skiddly dooo

I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yes There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you
I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine
Now I'm shining too
Because Oh Because
I've fallen quite hard over you
If I didn't know you I'd rather not know
If I couldn't have you I'd rather be alone

- Falling in love at a Coffee Shop, Landon Pigg

That's been my expression lately, like "uhhhh.. wow"
Don't mind the idiot on the right <3

i gotz them butterflies like no other sukka. What if I talked gangsta all the time?

Grin and bare it. That's my moto for the day.

Today I got back from California. The whole time we were there I was dying to come back home. I didn't enjoy and soak in our vacation, because I was anxious to come back to Arizona. I was happy to come home at first, but now I want more than anything to get away. I take my family for granted.
I'm going to my friend's house in a little bit. Her goofy ways can cheer me up.

Home is where the heart is. Hearts get hurt. It's better to stay away from home, where you wear your heart on your sleeve.

it's a bipolar kind of day

This morning I woke up at 4:30 and almost started getting ready for school. But I forced myself back to sleep and had a dream I was using bleach to brush my teeth. I looked up what the meaning of bleach was in my dream dictionary, and it makes sense.

]In dance we were doing a seance in the auditorium. It really didn't scare me because nothing happened. People had bad energy in the room.

During lunch me and my friend just sat stagnant. But then her boyfriend came over and she got all googly eyed with love and I got depressed. I honestly didn't get jealous, but it was more like I was so happy that she could STILL have those special feelings 8 months into their relationship. It gave me hope for the world. haha

Then at the beginning of math I started crying because I was so overcome with emotion and I feel so lonely (not friend wise). Then I was laughing because I finally admitted to myself that I am lonesome.

I came home had a screaming match with my mom and then went to sleep.
Woke up and went to a party for dance with the ones I love. ♥
We play dress up when we aren't summoning ghosts in dance.

i sat here trying to think of a title

I'm thrown back into the real world.

Today I got back from Cougartown as a Counselor In Training (CIT).
The delegates who went from my school (it was their first time going) really helped me find myself. It was their experience (i already had mine), and I observed so many things. It confirmed that I want change. It confirmed that I love so many people. It confirmed that I am afraid. It scares me to have the responsibility of almost a hundred people looking at me for guidance and leadership. But I honestly feel that I did a very good job, and there's no "right" way to do it. Multiple people told me that I helped them, and it made me feel an emotion that I cannot describe. I feel accomplished. BUT I will only truely feel accomplished when we go back to school and the students spread their knowledge to the rest of the school. Because I feel one is needed.

"Cougartown doesn't change you. You change yourself"

I don't want other people be hurt by the pain I once felt.
I will say what I need to say, tell the people I love that I love them, and love myself.
I love you.
You are beautiful
I wanted to stand up and scream at you all.
why arent you doing anything
You have to be the change that you want to see
You cant help whom who like or love
Hobo Jim is going to come sleep in your sleeping bag

I became sisters with the strongest and most respectable brothers, and created a sisterhood with other women who have all had sorrows. Saying that I "met a lot of amazing people" isn't enough. That does not even cover the surface.

I realized that I have a deeper feeling of love for some. And want others to feel the same. But I don't fully understand. If anything, things got a lot more confusing. What happens when you realize a friend deserves a "title" greater than just a friend?

"I believe love is the answer. I believe love will find a way"

let's pause life as it is

I wish my whole life could be like this weekend. It cannot be described in words. Pictures better suit it - "a picture is worth a thousand words" as they say.
It sounds crazy, but I feel like a new person. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Like I can relax a little bit. I don't know if I should say everything that happened, but I want it to stay in my mind forever. Think of it as you wish.
I'm happy I get to see these 5 people everyday, I just wish everyday could have the aesthetic as our trip to California did. I threw my heart into the ocean because I'll never find love.

This morning I looked gothic. It was horrible. But only my face did. My clothes were how I normally dress. See for your own eyes. HORRIBLE!! Ew. Just no. Never wearing black eyeshadow again.

this week has not been good. I cried almost all day yesterday.

Today was a half day so school ended at 10:20. what a waste.
In class we each wrote down 5 things we want to change about ourselves, then threw it across the room in a ball. And read someone else's. And we made a list on the board of all the insecurities written down.
Im pretty sure mine didn't get read outloud - or someone reworded what i wrote.
The other day my friend (who's in that class with me) told me he might have cancer. But doesn't find out until thursday. I hate this.

Strange

Last night my dad had to take our kitten to the vet because he's been sick for three monthes. and no matter how many times we've taken him prior to last night the idiot vet always said to just give him time to get better.
But we couldnt let him suffer any longer, so i guess my dad took him to an emergency vet place. I was asleep and had no clue. Just showd how oblivious i am to things.
They said that his Kidney was failing and he died. I never got to kiss him goodbye.

This was during the day yesterday, hours before he died. It's strange, because I've never really taken pictures of him, but something was telling me to. RIP Jimmy. Iloveyou.

Today's outfit

Worn out skinny jeans, mom's gladiator esque heeled sandals, flowy white blouse dress These last two were not edited at all (nor was Jimmy's). Love how eerie they came out.

P.S. Blogger is looking really strange lately.. doesnt it?

change

Have you ever had that one talk with a friend that changed your friendship? Not an arguement, but more of just telling the truth about how you see your friendship. And the truth that the other person told was not what you thought it would be? And you just have a feeling that this one talk has broken your friendship apart, but might make your friendship stronger (hopefully).
Its strange how a new relationship can start one day (whether it be making a new friend or whatever), but at the same time another can possibly end.