diagnostic procedure of a 16 year old

"My face hurts"

I've been saying that for the past few days and I finally remembered why:
SINUSITIS. It happened last year, and it came back again this year.

My parents get mad because I'm "always sick." However, the doctor last year said that it will keep coming back unless I continure treating it - which I haven't.

TMI:
my eyes are REDREDRED and draining out stuff and this picture explains why:

The naso-lacrimal ducts are connected to the interior turbinate. And they also connect to the lacrimal sac. Therefore the stuff from my nose is coming out of my eyes. That's nasty.

I watch too much House. and I feel like every other word from the above paragraph is spelled wrong. What a genius.

The one where I get mushy

I love my friends with all my heart - the ones that stand by you through everything, and seeing them is the best part of the day. The ones who aren't afraid to be affectionate in public, because they don't care what others think. It's nice to know that they're also gotten past the point of caring caring caring.
It also helps that they're two years older than me, because they share experience of their past. They're a good influence on me, but not when we act a fool and people give us dirty looks. haha
Some people just don't understand the love we share. I hope one day the people who give us dirty looks can feel what we feel and finally be like "ok i get it".

"A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart."

"Friends are the sunshine of life." -- John Hay (1871)

"True friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eye."

Commitment

I told my friend to make a list of all the animals he could think of, and he's making me make a list of things that start with "j". So let's get crackalackin. I haven't even thought of anything yet. I'll be adding more throughout April when a radom word comes along. Im a nerd. NO DICTIONARY CAN BE USED.

juice, jumper, jam, jupiter,january, june, july, jewish, justice, juniper, jizz, jazz, jump, jeté, jerrycurls, just, jaunt, jack, jill, jim, jello, jelly, jabber, jen, jiffy, JUNO, justification, jigglypuff , jeopordy, jawbreaker, jag, jig, jail, juvenile, jog, jungle, jujubee, jubilation, jugular, jumbalaya, jesus, juxtaposition, job, jackpot, judge, jar, jaw, juggle, joint, Japan, journal, jester, jellyfish, jackass, jingle, jinx, jesus

add more in the comments

i sat here trying to think of a title

I'm thrown back into the real world.

Today I got back from Cougartown as a Counselor In Training (CIT).
The delegates who went from my school (it was their first time going) really helped me find myself. It was their experience (i already had mine), and I observed so many things. It confirmed that I want change. It confirmed that I love so many people. It confirmed that I am afraid. It scares me to have the responsibility of almost a hundred people looking at me for guidance and leadership. But I honestly feel that I did a very good job, and there's no "right" way to do it. Multiple people told me that I helped them, and it made me feel an emotion that I cannot describe. I feel accomplished. BUT I will only truely feel accomplished when we go back to school and the students spread their knowledge to the rest of the school. Because I feel one is needed.

"Cougartown doesn't change you. You change yourself"

I don't want other people be hurt by the pain I once felt.
I will say what I need to say, tell the people I love that I love them, and love myself.
I love you.
You are beautiful
I wanted to stand up and scream at you all.
why arent you doing anything
You have to be the change that you want to see
You cant help whom who like or love
Hobo Jim is going to come sleep in your sleeping bag

I became sisters with the strongest and most respectable brothers, and created a sisterhood with other women who have all had sorrows. Saying that I "met a lot of amazing people" isn't enough. That does not even cover the surface.

I realized that I have a deeper feeling of love for some. And want others to feel the same. But I don't fully understand. If anything, things got a lot more confusing. What happens when you realize a friend deserves a "title" greater than just a friend?

"I believe love is the answer. I believe love will find a way"

This morning I looked gothic. It was horrible. But only my face did. My clothes were how I normally dress. See for your own eyes. HORRIBLE!! Ew. Just no. Never wearing black eyeshadow again.

this week has not been good. I cried almost all day yesterday.

Today was a half day so school ended at 10:20. what a waste.
In class we each wrote down 5 things we want to change about ourselves, then threw it across the room in a ball. And read someone else's. And we made a list on the board of all the insecurities written down.
Im pretty sure mine didn't get read outloud - or someone reworded what i wrote.
The other day my friend (who's in that class with me) told me he might have cancer. But doesn't find out until thursday. I hate this.

Jay Asher (an author)

[a part of an answer he gave at the back of Thirteen Reasons Why] -

It's also very important to be aware of how we reat others. Even though someone appears to shrug off a sideways comment or to not be affected by a rumor, it's impossible to know everything else going on in that person's life, and how we migt be adding to his/her plan. People do have an impact on the lives of others; that's undeniable.

Winnie the Pooh is wisdom

"You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

“I used to believe in forever, but forever is too good to be true.”

change

Have you ever had that one talk with a friend that changed your friendship? Not an arguement, but more of just telling the truth about how you see your friendship. And the truth that the other person told was not what you thought it would be? And you just have a feeling that this one talk has broken your friendship apart, but might make your friendship stronger (hopefully).
Its strange how a new relationship can start one day (whether it be making a new friend or whatever), but at the same time another can possibly end.

cant complain at the moment

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."

- Jim Morrison (its his birthday today)

That quote is so amazing. its the first time I've read it, and i just can't stop thinking about how true it is.

On the other side of the spectrum, my hair is being a wild child. but for some reason everyone liked it today. it has grown sooo much. but its lovely - my bangs are too long, but still. im not getting it cut until 2009 because that's a fresh start. im so odd sometimes.

i look bored with life. but in reality, its really exciting at the moment.

the recitals went well. but BOY AM I HAPPY THAT CRAP IS OVER!!
it wore me out so much. girl (or boy) you dont even know. Im pretty sure my body's energy is gone - im like running on empty (like a car).

and now here is a pose that my guy friend always does:

it cracks me up

Basically gushing over good looking people

Edward: What did you expect? Coffins and dungeons and moats?
Bella: No, not the moats.
My mom said I was giddy throughout the whole movie (Twilight). I agree. It was the first time I've admitted to my parents that a guy is gorgeous/ handsome. AND THEN I was saying how Bella was bland in the movie and my mom said "Oh you're just jealous because she got to work with him [Robert Pattinson]." I didn't argue.

Right now I'm supposed to be at a surprise party, but things got complicated. Well I made them complicated. First I wasn't going to go, then I wanted to go (but not really). Then a few of my friends weren't going (but were going in the first place), so I didn't go. But I still got her a gift. Do I feel bad? Nope.
So I got all dressed up for nothing. Oh well I can wear it to school on Monday.

It's like a mauve colored drapy (jeez that's not a word) top, with dark wash skinnies (story of my life), and cream colored slip ons.
How boring. I'm like stuck in a rut.

What should I really be doing right now instead of watching ANTM?
Writing a HUGE essay for english that is due Monday.
mehhh i'll do it tomorrow if i feel like it.
Get off my back I have straight A's.. and I dont put forth any effort anymore.

OH! and I simply ADORE Marjorie. She's my idol

[and looks even better with darker shorter hair. AND LOOK AT THOSE BALLET SLIPPERS!!]

Drifting

I feel like I'm not really connected to anything at the moment. I'm not really attached to any friends - I could live without them. All I want to do is dance and read. How many times have I said this? I I I I I i i Iii ii i .
I feel like I talk about myself too much. But it's my blog.. so uhh that's the point (?) ha I over-analyze things too much.

This week was a blur; a lot happened, but at the same time not much occured.So our beloved cat Tommy ran away. He was so young, only like 9 monthes old. Too stupid to find his way home. He had sucha good life, and hopefully he coms back because I miss that little rascal. Now I'm rather depressed. He would eat everything I did.

Yesterday was our last home game (thank you dear lord baby jesus). I fell on my back while mehh 4 feet in the air, my knees bled through my tights prior to this, and me and Jeremiah discussed boys together.

While I was gone, my parents got a teeny tiny kitten so our other cat Mikey won't be alone (since Tommy ran away). I guess his name is Jimmy. But I dont like that name. I call him Pudge. (because he is so little and scrawny).

I want to write a book right now - but am lacking experience.

When The Mirror Deceives You

I was on the computer for a while okey it was for like 2 hours, and when i got up i was confused. No, it was BEYOND confusion.
When I looked in the mirror I was like "WHAT THE HECK?!" I didnt know who it was - because it didnt look like me. No I didnt forget what I look like, and Im not going crazy (hopefully haha).
But my face was just very different. Not in a bad way either. And I looked really tall. *goes and measures height* I'm still 5'2. What the eff.
My nose looks better and my lips were totally different.
I think I had an epiphany about my appearance - although I thought I looked rather wide. Jesus I sound crazy.

Taken just a few minutes ago. Do I look the same? wth. ha @ my hand.

ANYWAY ENOUGH psychobabble..
Tomorrow to school Im going to wear:

floral long sleeved top, feather necklace, worn out skinnies, flower print mary janes

I'm in desperate need of sleep. But of course I have English homework to do. What is wrong with this world?

Across the Universe

Jude: Where'd you come from?
Prudence: Nowhere.
Jude: And before nowhere?
Prudence: Ohio.

Jude: Where are we going?
Lucy: We're going out of our minds!

JoJo: Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons away.


Nothing's gunna change my world..

Prepare for no sleep

This English essay can seriously die.

When your arm is twitching

you probably shouldn't be typing. After this I have to write a research paper. Eff parenthetical citations. That's all I have done. Ughh half a page down.. five and a half more to go (that's including front and back).
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY THAT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE FALL!
that is a major accomplishment if i do say so myself. I'm just so excited to be able to wear boots and coats and scarfs (without people saying stupid crap to me).

raise your hand if you're tired!
im too tired to even lift up my arm :\

As September Leaves,

there needs to be some changes.
No more hating the world, being depressed for no reason, calling people names just because.
I had an "Epiphany" just a few minutes ago. And I realized that im always complaining, being glum.
I don't know. I just want change in my life (not that anything's really wrong).
A change in the world perhaps?
Don't you want October to be the best? Who am I even talking to..
I vow to not eat junk food, and make my appearance more [insert word here]. I cant think of a fitting word at the moment.
What the eff - Im a hippie. <33

Why can't we just all draw cute snails, drink tea, read novels or fairytales, and paint nonsense for the rest of our lives.

Rise n shine - it's a brand new effing day.

P.S. i think im going to lay off the heavy eyeliner for a bit too. Which is odd coming from me.

Love,
A Fairy Princess Gnome rabbit named Anne Marie.

My eyes are about to cry

Thee eyes are very sensative today.
Got a haircut. His prices are way too expensive for freakin hair. It goes to my armpit, whereas before it was a pinkie length away from my elbow. The bangs are awkward right now, but in a week they should be fine.
Look waht I found after monthes of searching: Woop woop!
Enough play time - onto thee research/debate paper.
Screw you English Honors.

Cross Eyed Collarbone FREAK

I r not well. And I feel like poop on a stick. Tired sore. Hmpfff.
Things I've realized..
-I am not happy with school. There's just no point to it.
Why cant we just take writing workshops / creative writing for the rest of our lives?
-I'm rather cross eyed when I look at certain things

How cute. haha and thee hair is getting long and gross. ugh that picture is just so..
THEREFORE A HAIRCUT IS HAPPENING SATURDAY. The hair that's in a bun is how short it's going to be.. we'll see.

If I was fearless (wich im not) I'd do my hair like so

agyness deyn <3

Fairytales and Sleeping Snails

I am very tired today. look at the dark circles under my eyes.how adorable.. adorably not.
BUT the book on my lap is the definition of adorable Walt Disney's Treasure of Children's Classics.
I've had it for years- i wanna say for over 10 or 11 years.
it was bought by the Lorain County Library in 1987 [but it was published in the mid 70's]. Nana probably got it from the library in the 80's.

I just want to sit at home and read fairytales, gaze at the illustrations, and write my own classics.

Some pictures from the ginormous wonderful extravagant book: Peter Pan Alice in Wonderland BambiPinocchio
[look closely at this picture]
it's especially true when you wish upon a purple star.