I hate memories they make my heart hurt, and it's hard to shake them off

This week is going to DRAIN me. The recital for dance is thursday and friday, and I have to spend the whole week getting ready.
Tomorrow I have to go to school at 7 and stay until 9 o'clock at night for dress rehearsal.. why?! School can just go away forever.

Im probably just going to sleep from 3 to 6 in the auditorium then pull myself together to dance from 6 to 9. shizznit.


p.s. it was a good weekend <3

im the baby gotta love me

why remembers the show Dinosaurs? I was only like 2 years old when this was on, but I vaguely remember it.

true story

see more Funny Graphs

If one more picture gets cut off I'm going to cut someone.

THE KEY ON THE SIDE SAYS:
waiting for computer to read floppy disk
being afflicted with dysentery
learning
killing three tons of buffalo and squirrels

who else agrees?

I get older, but some things never change

In 3 hours and 35 minutes it's my birthday.
Thinking back, I realized I spent about 95% of being 15 focusing on dance. I've grown extraordinarily as a dancer and found MY style. Dance has kept me sane.. and sometimes it makes me go crazy. It definetly drives my family crazy when I have to go multiple times a week. I will continue dancing through age 16, 17, 20, 32, and so forth. I don't care how much I have to work for it, but I will make it one day.

i sat here trying to think of a title

I'm thrown back into the real world.

Today I got back from Cougartown as a Counselor In Training (CIT).
The delegates who went from my school (it was their first time going) really helped me find myself. It was their experience (i already had mine), and I observed so many things. It confirmed that I want change. It confirmed that I love so many people. It confirmed that I am afraid. It scares me to have the responsibility of almost a hundred people looking at me for guidance and leadership. But I honestly feel that I did a very good job, and there's no "right" way to do it. Multiple people told me that I helped them, and it made me feel an emotion that I cannot describe. I feel accomplished. BUT I will only truely feel accomplished when we go back to school and the students spread their knowledge to the rest of the school. Because I feel one is needed.

"Cougartown doesn't change you. You change yourself"

I don't want other people be hurt by the pain I once felt.
I will say what I need to say, tell the people I love that I love them, and love myself.
I love you.
You are beautiful
I wanted to stand up and scream at you all.
why arent you doing anything
You have to be the change that you want to see
You cant help whom who like or love
Hobo Jim is going to come sleep in your sleeping bag

I became sisters with the strongest and most respectable brothers, and created a sisterhood with other women who have all had sorrows. Saying that I "met a lot of amazing people" isn't enough. That does not even cover the surface.

I realized that I have a deeper feeling of love for some. And want others to feel the same. But I don't fully understand. If anything, things got a lot more confusing. What happens when you realize a friend deserves a "title" greater than just a friend?

"I believe love is the answer. I believe love will find a way"

let's pause life as it is

I wish my whole life could be like this weekend. It cannot be described in words. Pictures better suit it - "a picture is worth a thousand words" as they say.
It sounds crazy, but I feel like a new person. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Like I can relax a little bit. I don't know if I should say everything that happened, but I want it to stay in my mind forever. Think of it as you wish.
I'm happy I get to see these 5 people everyday, I just wish everyday could have the aesthetic as our trip to California did. I threw my heart into the ocean because I'll never find love.

The Brave Little Toaster

Have you ever seen The Brave Little Toaster? It has a lot of life lessons and is really emotional. Not even lying to you. I used to watch it all the time as a kid.

Have you ever had a memory that you think is on the verge of imagination?
Like you can't be sure that it really happened, or if it was just something you made up. I get like that about a lot of movies from when I was a YOUNG kid (like 3 or 4). Sometimes I'm not sure if it was a real movie, or if I just made it up in my head.. The Brave Little Toaster is one of those movies, but i know that it's real. Thankfully.

Man Up

That's what this 7 year old girl was saying when she was dancing yesterday.
BUT she wasn't saying it to me, she was saying it to the guy that works at the studio. Guys need to be put in line sometimes, even if it's by a seven year old.
I had to do a thing about my life from birth until the future (like what we want to do) And I made my life seem happier than it is. Or maybe it really has been happy over all, and the individual bad days make it seem like I'm always depressed.

Anywhoo, I found some pictures from 2 years ago. And I look A LOT different now.

(click for bigger)

Blonde hair does NOT suit me at all. My face is all washed out and red, because we were at a water park all day and I was going to a dance.
It's so weird how someone can change over the course of two years.

excuse the face. haha
but that's how I looks now. My appearance / style has done a 180. And I like the drastic changes I've made over the years.

P.S. what color hair looks best on you?

Skins

Im shakin in my boots for the new series to start. Although they could never replace Maxxie and Chris and Cassie and Toni and Jal and Michelle and Sid and you get the point.
Meet Freddie (from the new series [3]).. he reminds me of someone I know /
knew..

It's really scary.. Yeah he's a made up character, but it feels like they based his character off of who I knew. he looks like him too.

Im bamboozled now.

Baby Anne Marie

My fashion sense was impeccable for a 3 year old.
LOOK HOW FREAKIN CHUBBY MY CHEEKS WERE!

How did I go from that, to this?

When Im an old lady, Im probably going to wonder why I made certain choices, or dressed a certain way (like how I do now). But I won't regret anything. Because really, I like who I am right now (well there can be an attitude adjustment). And hopefully my old grandma self will say "daaaang I was one strappin lad."

2008

Was an odd year. I was going to stay that it went by fast, but it really didn't. So much happened, I'm pretty sure I couldnt remember it all.
But I'll try.. just not now. House is on and it absorbs my attention.

Today I bought Britney Spears' album and I must say, it is really good!
It sparked me to start choreographing a bunch of random stuff

A little mermaid shirt, spandex, a scarf, and holiday socks. It cant get much better than that. - no i didnt go out into public :]

Oh shoot I gotta go! this is getting intense (House).

Do you carry the moon in your womb

someone said that you're fading too soon
drifting and floating and fading away.
- Porcelain, The Red Hot Chili Peppers
This song is so dismal but eloquent. I really want to do a dance to it. But it would get emotional. Which is good.

are you wasting away in your skin

little lune .. all day

nodding and melting and fading away

if you close your eyes long enough you'll see light

Skins has engulfed my life. I'm obsessed. The past four days I've watched both seasons.
Maxxie, Effy, Anwar, Chris, Cassie - every single person is lovely, but those 5 are my favorite.
But Sketch can just fall of the face of the planet.
Look im getting all emotional about a show.
By the middle of the second episode in season one, I was convinced that Cassie was insane [she is], but some of the things she says are just so amazing - insane but has an aesthetic about it.

how completely mental but i love her all the same.
BUT she gets me so mad when she messes with everyone's minds.

Snuggle Cuddle then Hug Me

lalalalalalalalalalalalalala. You are my sweetest love.
Tomorrow is "Kids R Us" Day for spirit week. When I was a kid I dressed like a fruit. Floral dresses all the time, lacy socks, tennis shoes, bows in my hair. And bangs. I used to cut my bangs crookedly all the time. It was a trade mark by the age of three.

So tomorrow to school, I'm going to wear a blue dress that has pockets on it, floral tank top, cheetah converse, and a bunch of clips in my hair.
My mother dearest said that everyday was rediculous with me. Wich it still is.. both clothing wise and everything else wise.A few examples of my clippies <3

So when i was like 5 or so I got this doggy named Baby Patches. He is the love of my life. And I remember the exact day I got him too. He's right next to me as we speak.. ermm as I type this. And he's the only dog i've actaully ever liked for more than ten minutes.

There he is. Ain't he a beauty?! :>
That book Disney Girls is pretty much my life. I read it way too many times, and was extremly jealous of all of them. I liked Ariel the best, because she got to be the little mermaid. Lucky hoee.

P.S. I was going to wear my fairy wings with it, but I don't think Stan would like that (the principle - we're on a first name basis.. well he just doesnt know it).

AND i can't find my Mermaid backpack from back in the day. I mean from like Kindergarten.