okay i lied

I've thought about writing a lot but I kind of like keeping everything inside my head. I'm weird (you would've guessed that one on your own). But I find myself stuck. I feel like there's that blue gooey candy in a tube on the side walk and i keep getting it on my flip flops, and with every step I take the goo wears off but there's still some stuck to the bottom of my shoe. longest analogy ever. Every day grows so different. Some people complain of long boring repetitive days, but I only wish for that. No, its not like my life is some sort of vortex and every morning I don't know where I might end up, but new challenges spring up every day. This will do me some good in the long run.
I had my annual California trip with dance at the beginning of February, and I observed quite a lot this time around. The girls from the other schools (for the most part) just don't get it. Coming up in a week or so is Cougartown. ahhhh - a sigh of relief. This year I am a counselor and I feel like this a a huge responsibility, but one I can bear the weight of. My toes are tingling to go.
Today the doctor said I have a Type A personality. Oh, I thought I was going to a doctor with an MD not a PhD. But hmm, thanks for the info. Wow this sentence just clarifies that I AM a type a. I don't like the tests that they're making me do. It scares me, it really does. I'm disappointed in myself - I'm supposed to go through my life without any serious diseases and you're trying to tell me there might be something wrong?

It scares me shitless.

oh, hai

ive missed you. i miss THIS.
lets start 2010 off with a big promise and say that im going to blog at least once a week.
i dont even want to summerize 2009 up, too much too much.
ive changed quite a bit, but much is still the same. i find myself to be one big contradiction at times. no longer am i a rebellious teenager, which is a very big accomplishment on my part. my parents are proud hah. ive done a complete 180 from how i was over summer or even in the beginning of december. i really think the people i let into my universe have a lot to do with my actions, but they cant be entirely to blame. i find myself in my own world a lot of the time now. its much better than the dull reality my peers have got going on.

so now i leave you with a picture in which i look like an alien










until next time,
- anne marie.

coldest story ever told.

that last post makes me mad. i hate capitalizing things. i have a lot of resentment right now. and im not sure if thats even the right word for how i feel. i just need to write right now. put my thoughts out there. because i dont feel like wasting paper and ink. i always write in sentence fragments. not sure why. i sometimes dont finish my sentences when im actually speaking either.

tonight is the first night ive actually been lonely in a very very long time. even when i was confined to nothingness over summer, i still wasnt lonely - i didnt even want to see anyone. but now, i just want to be surrounded by people. only certain people though. ive always been very independent. but now, i want more than anything to just mingle with the crowd. its a weird change. but i think its a good change. i could go a weekend with just staying at home, but now i feel like i HAVE to be out. i just want to leave the nest. fly with the sparrow. its a metaphor.

maybe me wanting to be surrounded by people, is really me becoming even more independent.

sitting on the dock

i tend to drift away from things quite easily.
i abandoned this blog,
which is something i never wanted to do.

my world is changed,
and i feel i am no longer the person i once was.
okey that's just me being dramatic

im lost in the ocean
and i need a tug boat to slowly
pull me back to shore.


reach me here:
www.myspace.com/annemariepwns

im not abandoning this babyblog ive created,
any longer ♥

Grin and bare it. That's my moto for the day.

Today I got back from California. The whole time we were there I was dying to come back home. I didn't enjoy and soak in our vacation, because I was anxious to come back to Arizona. I was happy to come home at first, but now I want more than anything to get away. I take my family for granted.
I'm going to my friend's house in a little bit. Her goofy ways can cheer me up.

Home is where the heart is. Hearts get hurt. It's better to stay away from home, where you wear your heart on your sleeve.

a wise man

"Just wait a while. It'll happen."
- a wise man. :)

If there's one thing I need to learn in life, it's to have patience and some faith in people. I always look for the worst outcome of a situation, when in reality things aren't even that bad. I just need to calm down and wait. wait. wait.
Plus I need to give myself some credit. low self esteem.

I'm working on everything.

school's out. Let the games begin.

that's what you get

i cant promise you anything
i know yeah i'm slow
i sleep the best in cold
dreams are the place to be
- Saturday by chris Garneau

whywhywhy. I just want the year to be over. Two more days. This is a little view of how the days have been going. (the one above included) Wow. The most relevant song just came on. Eff you Relient K.

who i am hates who I've been

Make it happen. But how? Get over it, and move one.
I want to be frank and tell you this statement above.

Hi, I'm Frank. I wish..

I sound legitimately crazy. I'm not i swear.

ouch

I know that I've been dancing around the truth
Tell me what the hell I'm suppose to do
I'm a little bit agitated
With a slight scent of denial
- Nevershoutnever.

Exactly.

hmm

younger
older
close friend
party friend
beautiful
just alright

oh the choices. It makes my heart thump.

it's a bipolar kind of day

This morning I woke up at 4:30 and almost started getting ready for school. But I forced myself back to sleep and had a dream I was using bleach to brush my teeth. I looked up what the meaning of bleach was in my dream dictionary, and it makes sense.

]In dance we were doing a seance in the auditorium. It really didn't scare me because nothing happened. People had bad energy in the room.

During lunch me and my friend just sat stagnant. But then her boyfriend came over and she got all googly eyed with love and I got depressed. I honestly didn't get jealous, but it was more like I was so happy that she could STILL have those special feelings 8 months into their relationship. It gave me hope for the world. haha

Then at the beginning of math I started crying because I was so overcome with emotion and I feel so lonely (not friend wise). Then I was laughing because I finally admitted to myself that I am lonesome.

I came home had a screaming match with my mom and then went to sleep.
Woke up and went to a party for dance with the ones I love. ♥
We play dress up when we aren't summoning ghosts in dance.

Find me a gentleman like him

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

diagnostic procedure of a 16 year old

"My face hurts"

I've been saying that for the past few days and I finally remembered why:
SINUSITIS. It happened last year, and it came back again this year.

My parents get mad because I'm "always sick." However, the doctor last year said that it will keep coming back unless I continure treating it - which I haven't.

TMI:
my eyes are REDREDRED and draining out stuff and this picture explains why:

The naso-lacrimal ducts are connected to the interior turbinate. And they also connect to the lacrimal sac. Therefore the stuff from my nose is coming out of my eyes. That's nasty.

I watch too much House. and I feel like every other word from the above paragraph is spelled wrong. What a genius.

best post ever.. maybe. maybe not;

Let me just say that my throat and head hurts so bad. It's just pulsing like the energizer bunny is beating my face in.
On a happier note, I had to dance in a Broadway choir show today.My friend (on the right) is a hippie and I love her. We're double the trouble when we're together. Actually, we cannot go a day without laughing and appreciating each other's company. I love my dance friends more than any other friends. They understand me better. Oh what the heck, no one understands my ways of thinking. But I'm ok with that because life is like a box of chocolates.

Writing the first sentence of this post made me realize that I complain A LOT. It needs to stop because I don't intentionally mean to do it. Complaining just kind of happens.

Why am I still awake at 11 o'clock on a school night?
- School doesn't start until 11:20 tomorrow.

What kind of schooling system allows high schoolers to go to school for only THREE hours? and then we don't even have school Friday. wow.

Who get's mad about that? me. Why? because my head is pounding and I have Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson stuck in my head.

Big Edie (from Grey Gardens) has words of wisdom for me:

Edith "Big Edie" Bouvier Beale: Will you shut up? It's a goddamn beautiful day, shut up!

I don't feel well at all. he's a cute little snail though, so that makes up for it I guess.
I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. eff.

technology makes life complicated

I feel like watching Skins, but noooooo the series has to be over until 2010. correct me if I'm wrong.
I am super tired right now, but it's like a 10 minute bump that I have to get through, and then I'll be able to stay up for quite some time. Make sense?
Tomorrow I have to dance at an Arts Festival, and I really don't want to.

Nothing new has really been happening.

WOAH NELLIE!!! right after I typed that, I got a text from someone who I talked to like a year ago. That's awkaward.

The one where I get mushy

I love my friends with all my heart - the ones that stand by you through everything, and seeing them is the best part of the day. The ones who aren't afraid to be affectionate in public, because they don't care what others think. It's nice to know that they're also gotten past the point of caring caring caring.
It also helps that they're two years older than me, because they share experience of their past. They're a good influence on me, but not when we act a fool and people give us dirty looks. haha
Some people just don't understand the love we share. I hope one day the people who give us dirty looks can feel what we feel and finally be like "ok i get it".

"A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart."

"Friends are the sunshine of life." -- John Hay (1871)

"True friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eye."

lazy dressing dramatic face

I haven't felt like getting dressed in days. Yet I do my make up all elaborate. My make up over rides my clothing these days. How can someone be too lazy to get dressed, but have the energy to apply a full face of makeup? Radonculous.
I really want to go to beauty school, but its an unrealistic dream. I'll end up being a pharmacist or radiologist.
I'm going back to being a vegetarian against raven's advice ;). I felt guilty whenever I ate meat, and I ust feel healthier when I dont eat it.
One thing I cannot kick is junk food. It'll never go away. Oh well I'll live with it.

I'm old

happy birff day

I get older, but some things never change

In 3 hours and 35 minutes it's my birthday.
Thinking back, I realized I spent about 95% of being 15 focusing on dance. I've grown extraordinarily as a dancer and found MY style. Dance has kept me sane.. and sometimes it makes me go crazy. It definetly drives my family crazy when I have to go multiple times a week. I will continue dancing through age 16, 17, 20, 32, and so forth. I don't care how much I have to work for it, but I will make it one day.