it's a bipolar kind of day

This morning I woke up at 4:30 and almost started getting ready for school. But I forced myself back to sleep and had a dream I was using bleach to brush my teeth. I looked up what the meaning of bleach was in my dream dictionary, and it makes sense.

]In dance we were doing a seance in the auditorium. It really didn't scare me because nothing happened. People had bad energy in the room.

During lunch me and my friend just sat stagnant. But then her boyfriend came over and she got all googly eyed with love and I got depressed. I honestly didn't get jealous, but it was more like I was so happy that she could STILL have those special feelings 8 months into their relationship. It gave me hope for the world. haha

Then at the beginning of math I started crying because I was so overcome with emotion and I feel so lonely (not friend wise). Then I was laughing because I finally admitted to myself that I am lonesome.

I came home had a screaming match with my mom and then went to sleep.
Woke up and went to a party for dance with the ones I love. ♥
We play dress up when we aren't summoning ghosts in dance.

oops

I kind of just got hair dye all over a cabinet, and it won't come off.
I'll figure it out once I wash it out of my hair. uhhhht oh.
Dance show is tomorrow. So excited, but kind of nervous, but not really. I should be used to it by now, since I've been doing it for so long.

figure out how to get stains off of cabinets for me.

I hate memories they make my heart hurt, and it's hard to shake them off

This week is going to DRAIN me. The recital for dance is thursday and friday, and I have to spend the whole week getting ready.
Tomorrow I have to go to school at 7 and stay until 9 o'clock at night for dress rehearsal.. why?! School can just go away forever.

Im probably just going to sleep from 3 to 6 in the auditorium then pull myself together to dance from 6 to 9. shizznit.


p.s. it was a good weekend <3

best post ever.. maybe. maybe not;

Let me just say that my throat and head hurts so bad. It's just pulsing like the energizer bunny is beating my face in.
On a happier note, I had to dance in a Broadway choir show today.My friend (on the right) is a hippie and I love her. We're double the trouble when we're together. Actually, we cannot go a day without laughing and appreciating each other's company. I love my dance friends more than any other friends. They understand me better. Oh what the heck, no one understands my ways of thinking. But I'm ok with that because life is like a box of chocolates.

Writing the first sentence of this post made me realize that I complain A LOT. It needs to stop because I don't intentionally mean to do it. Complaining just kind of happens.

Why am I still awake at 11 o'clock on a school night?
- School doesn't start until 11:20 tomorrow.

What kind of schooling system allows high schoolers to go to school for only THREE hours? and then we don't even have school Friday. wow.

Who get's mad about that? me. Why? because my head is pounding and I have Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson stuck in my head.

Big Edie (from Grey Gardens) has words of wisdom for me:

Edith "Big Edie" Bouvier Beale: Will you shut up? It's a goddamn beautiful day, shut up!

My stomach is concaving itself

During dance I felt like I was going to kneel over and die. I basically did. My hair's becoming a beast, but I love it. (that was during dance)

I need to stop eating junk food. It's getting really bad, and the results will show one day. Motivate me. I used to be a good vegitarian, but I think im going through a growth spurt, so I need to stock up on eating.

Today was crap. Things irritate me. Especially pizzahut. Their online ordering ticks me off.

I'm a rebel

Today I wore this shirt, and my friend's said they all planned on getting me it. The YouTube video is my love (which this shirt is based off of), and it has my two favorite things - cats and dancing! This girl isn't happy to be wearing such a beautiful shirt, but then again she's a hot topic model so I understand. haha

On a less enthusiastic note, because I have to screw up somehow:
I didn't go to my fifth hour class today because I just didn't want to.. I guess I ditched. So me and my friend went to the dance room to help with the beginning dance class. I get home after I have rehearsal after school, and the school called my house. I got in trouble. The end.
Moral of the story: It's better to sit through a class that is way too easy, than to have the school call home and report an absence.

I get older, but some things never change

In 3 hours and 35 minutes it's my birthday.
Thinking back, I realized I spent about 95% of being 15 focusing on dance. I've grown extraordinarily as a dancer and found MY style. Dance has kept me sane.. and sometimes it makes me go crazy. It definetly drives my family crazy when I have to go multiple times a week. I will continue dancing through age 16, 17, 20, 32, and so forth. I don't care how much I have to work for it, but I will make it one day.

A Romping Tweaker (you'll see..)

I don't feel like writing. And I have a bad streaky spray tan. that's just how spring break goes. I have to go back to school tomorrow.. nuff said. spectacular romper and sandals from the lovely UO.
I have a huge dance production packet to do, when really all I want to do is this
Oh, and you need to go read Tweak by Nic Sheff. Now.

We are the champions (for once)

I'm watching Beetlejuice and being amazed by how much my layers are growing out. I'm sick of short detached layers. I want long flowing hair.

Yesterday was Arizona State Competition.
For Pom we got .. *drum roll please* FIRST PLACE!! We're number one in state! woooootwooot.
For Jazz we got THIRD PLACE! Which is very good, considering we hated the costume / dance. haha

All our hard work paid off, and it's nice to see some positive results. VERY positive results. I had really bad bedhead the other day, and I'd thought I'd share. Everyone thought I just woke up. BUENOS DIAS!

let's pause life as it is

I wish my whole life could be like this weekend. It cannot be described in words. Pictures better suit it - "a picture is worth a thousand words" as they say.
It sounds crazy, but I feel like a new person. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Like I can relax a little bit. I don't know if I should say everything that happened, but I want it to stay in my mind forever. Think of it as you wish.
I'm happy I get to see these 5 people everyday, I just wish everyday could have the aesthetic as our trip to California did. I threw my heart into the ocean because I'll never find love.

Buon giorno, Principessa!

February is going to be hectic (and amazing) - it already has been.
On Wednesday I leave for California with my dance group. We're going to Disneyland, taking classes from Debbie Reynold's studio, and seeing Phantom of the Oprah. Oh my god.. did i just spell Oprah?... I'm not even going to correct it.
Then I have a week off, and then I'm going to Cougartown as a counsilor in training. Im so flippin excited - I haven't been able to contain myself for the past few monthes. the mere thought of it makes me so freakin hfdghjkdfghshfkljg.
This is what I do during College Algebra on a scientific calculator:
I'm fixing my hair to go back to how it used to be. It's at a really awkward stage right now, but will be worth it in the end.And now I will end with the awkward wrist of doom

MMMM nothing

I feel so bored lately. I guess a lot has happened, but I just let it happen and don't even care. I just dont even care. I just dont even care.
- Last Saturday we had State competition for pom and got fourth. No, we deserved AT LEAST third. We did really well, and the stupid blonde-bimbo-former-cheerleader judges were corrupt. CORRUPT I TELL YOU!! But im not a cheerleader, or even close to being one, so it doesn't matter
- I find out of i made it as a CIT (counsilor in training) for Cougartown on Monday
- My older brother went to the hospital last night because he crashed on his dirtbike. But he's okey now.
- Last Saturday we got a new kitten. He's like a mix between a polar bear and a white tiger. And is a pain in the butt. But cute - AND STEPPING ON MY KEYBOARD, THUS RUINING THE POST
My friend was taking pictures of me in the locker room before dance like 2 weeks ago, because I had a cow shirt on - this picture is goldenI stuck my hips out, leaned back, and nonchalantly looked over to the side. haha number one way to look amazingly silly in a photo.

and lately my nose is alternating between being stuffy and running.

Man Up

That's what this 7 year old girl was saying when she was dancing yesterday.
BUT she wasn't saying it to me, she was saying it to the guy that works at the studio. Guys need to be put in line sometimes, even if it's by a seven year old.
I had to do a thing about my life from birth until the future (like what we want to do) And I made my life seem happier than it is. Or maybe it really has been happy over all, and the individual bad days make it seem like I'm always depressed.

Anywhoo, I found some pictures from 2 years ago. And I look A LOT different now.

(click for bigger)

Blonde hair does NOT suit me at all. My face is all washed out and red, because we were at a water park all day and I was going to a dance.
It's so weird how someone can change over the course of two years.

excuse the face. haha
but that's how I looks now. My appearance / style has done a 180. And I like the drastic changes I've made over the years.

P.S. what color hair looks best on you?

Stella McCartney for Adidas

Her collaberation with Adidas is wonderful!
If you play a sport, do yoga, or dance I suggest you look into it. OR even if you just want comfortable clothes to work out in, or for just staying at home, her clothing and accessories are the thing that every girl and woman needs.

I really want these cream colored legwarmers.. like A LOT.

Day of Opportunities

Today Lady Luck came knocking on my window. It's about time something good happened.
I got my haircut by an AMAZING guy. He's like.. I don't even know. Really freakin good.

The layers are mega short again. And the layers from the back are pushed to the front. Too crazy. ANYWAY! That's not the point. The point is, he wants to use me as a model for his photo shoot. So hopefully he'll follow through with it.

And I started dancing at the new studio by my house. And shooot, I am so happy that I did. The owner is pregnant and needs help (because she could injure herself and the baby if she dances too much). So she basically gave me a job teaching her classes for her. Woop woop!! It's just what I wanted. But instead of getting paid with money because she's tight on cash, I get to take as many classes as I want. Which is better than money right now.

Stuff like this rarely happens to me.
And I feel greatful that I am getting opportunities like these.

wind can die

It's been really windy ever since last night. And the sound is annoying.
I'm tired and cold and not in the mood. Happy that its just my family home today - aka all the relatives left.
Christmas went by so fast: you prepare for it for a while, and then it's gone in a few hours. But I really appreciate everything I got - even though it's not all about receiving gifts and what not.
Here's a few things that were near each other, so I just arranged them for a photo

I watched Across the Universe (for the 50th time), while a bunch of people were over. Whatever I like Jude and Max way better than people I don't even know. :]
The first time I saw it last year, it was love at first sight.

The best thing I got was money to pay for dance classes at the new studio that's like a minute away from my house. My friend works there, and hopefully by summer I can have a job demo-ing for her or something.

It's really cold outside, and windy. And this blogger is extremely tired.

Happy Holidays Everyone!
(now we just have to get through New Years)

2008

Was an odd year. I was going to stay that it went by fast, but it really didn't. So much happened, I'm pretty sure I couldnt remember it all.
But I'll try.. just not now. House is on and it absorbs my attention.

Today I bought Britney Spears' album and I must say, it is really good!
It sparked me to start choreographing a bunch of random stuff

A little mermaid shirt, spandex, a scarf, and holiday socks. It cant get much better than that. - no i didnt go out into public :]

Oh shoot I gotta go! this is getting intense (House).

maybe it's just in my head

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

- This Woman's Work, Kate Bush

I do not feel good at all today. All I've done is clean, eat, and watch a movie. And a few minutes ago I was in the worst pain ever. I always get really sick whenever I eat. It happens often, and i hate it.

Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.

How can one little body have so much waste inside?

My dance warm up jacket from last year's competition group has been so comfortable lately. [BTW i did a few quad turns today, without flopping around. they looked good if i do say so myself]

And now I have to read A Separate Peace. shoot me now.
it's going to make me feel sicker.

what rehearsal does to me

this is how i look after only five hours of sleep. then having to go to rehearsal for dance and being at school for 12 hours daaang i look busted - there is dark brown make up under my eyes and on my neck.
I really hope the recital goes well. because i've worked hard and the teachers are beeeeeeeeeotches.
ive gotten in BAD arguements and lost friends because of dance, gained new friends that i love, and met some pretty amazing people. I think i've really grown as a dancer, and gotten a better attitude towards some things because of dance. yeah im still a brat and get fired up, but overall i just feel so free and alive when im dancing.
ive been doing it for a little over 5 years, and i'll keep doing it until i can no longer walk. and even when i'm bedridden, i'll be bustin a move and dancing even better without moving my legs <3

Do you carry the moon in your womb

someone said that you're fading too soon
drifting and floating and fading away.
- Porcelain, The Red Hot Chili Peppers
This song is so dismal but eloquent. I really want to do a dance to it. But it would get emotional. Which is good.

are you wasting away in your skin

little lune .. all day

nodding and melting and fading away